I hate that I love you.

I wish you didn’t control so many of my thoughts, that you were only a regular person and that I didn’t care so much about you. It isn’t fair that you can so easily exist whether or not I share a space in your life, you shouldn’t get off so easily. Not after the way you left my heart, broken and empty, wondering if I can ever truly love again. It’s like every time I meet someone, someone who is funny and nice, you flash into my mind. No one could ever replace you. No one is you, he doesn’t laugh like you, he isn’t attentive like you, and he’s smart, just like you, but he isn’t you. When im smiling for no reason, it’s because im thinking of you, not him. When his hands glide over my body it feels like a cheap escape, when yours felt like a destination, like a long awaited saving. You are warmth and he is ice. Do you know how hard it is to love someone, who is ice? He is worse than ice; he is Bose Einstein condensate only an atom in size. Too small to signify anything and too cold to hold. But you, you are bright plasma, the brightest star in the sky. So big that you mean everything but you’re too hot for me to hold. You’re blinding. I can’t have you so if I takes me traveling the entire galaxy to find someone to replace you, I’ll take the journey. It’s sure as hell a lot better than sitting and thinking about you.

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