An open letter to the girl who owns my heart

An open letter to the girl who owns my heart,
I am always going to think you want someone else, I’ve watched my father leave for his lover one too many times to believe that someone can only want one person. My body will shrink away from your eyes and fingertips; I have seen my mother sell her body for less than free to still watch the hungry eyes of men follow me as they walk out the door. I’m sorry that I get addicted to things (you) so easily, I guess the alcoholic that birthed me left pieces of herself inside my veins. I know that one day I will lie next to you and you will want to make love, but I have a demon of a memory that doesn’t understand what convenience is and I can’t risk tainting something so beautiful with something so evil. I’m just a ticking time bomb locked inside of a girl who has more flaws than you have reasons to stay. I promise there is a heart of gold in me that wants to love you, trust you, and freely give itself to you, but I can’t help but to hesitate. I know you say the past is the past but pretty girl it’s not. The past is a monster that haunts my bones for more hours sometimes than not and I will try to act like the girl you want to fall in love with, for you only deserve the best, but my cover may slip, so please love that me too. Please love me when im mad for no reason, please remind me that you love the curve of my hips that i hate so much, tell me that you don’t mind that i text you all day because my mind doesn’t know how to quit thinking and you think my random facts and complete narrative of what the lady in line in front of me bought is cute. Love that me, the one that no one else does, the one i won’t show anyone else. Cherish me because i forget that i even exists most days, im always covered up by too high expectations. I’m hard to handle sometimes, and I’m needy. I can’t say half of this shit to your face but if you ask me how much I love you, I am going to say I love you mostest. There is no debating that, because even with every flaw and scar and monster in my body, my heart still beats for you.
Yours truly, Amber.


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